My Sacred Voice - How I became a singer

I never thought that I was a singer - I actually always enjoyed to sing (when nobody was listening!), yet I compared myself to friends - I was friends with a couple of professional singers and so I thought that next to them I shouldn't sing because it was their place, not mine. I really believed that and therefore believed that I wasn't a singer.

Like this, we affirm our reality every day by choosing to believe something that isn't in alignment with our dreams/desires/dharma because of lack of self worth. "I'm not good enough", "People will judge me".. and so on. These thoughts that hold us back, I was particularly good at believing the monkey mind that came into play so regularly back then.

It wasn't until I started to work with Ayahuasca that I really started to understand the power of the voice in song - of my own voice. I began to allow myself to express myself through my voice. It started with me singing along with the songs that were being shared in the ceremonies and feeling how it was to experience and allow myself to project my voice into a space - it felt liberating! And after a couple of months, I was invited to start sharing music in the space, just me and my guitar. This was TERRIFYING for me and I was totally in stuck my head and struggling to be present because I was so nervous about when it would come to be my time to sing - what song do I sing? Will I mess it up? etc.. Sometimes I even went to hide in the bathroom when it was my turn to sing because I was afraid of it.

However there was an ancient voice that came from deep within that said

"This is what you are here for, sing child, this is your dharma."

So I asked the medicine to teach me how to work with my voice and I was so blown away by what happened next.

The first lesson was - Get out of your ego and into the prayer of the song. This message didn't come through words, but through experience, I realised that every time I allowed my mind to take over, that is when I would make mistakes/forget the words. Yet, when I remained in that clear space within my heart that the medicine was supporting me to access and allowed the song to flow through me, connecting to the prayer of the song, I discovered that something magic happened. My voice opened, expanding and dancing with the energy of the space, I became a channel for the spirit of the song to move through me.

After the first time I experienced this, I realised that many people were asking me if I was a professional singer and if I had been doing it all my life, sharing with me how profoundly my voice had affected them during the night.

I knew then that, yes, this is what I am here for. What a blessing.

The medicine took me on a pilgrimage of my own voice. Allowing me to feel in my body and understand how to open, open, open. Surrender myself to be a channel for what needs to come through. I stopped thinking and started becoming.

So the journey continued and I went through a long phase of thinking I could only sing like that under the influence of the medicine - you see, Ayahuasca really helps us to step out of the ego - so in the ceremony I was in the pureness of my essence, but for some time, outside of the ceremonies I was still allowing my ego to run the "I'm not good enough" show. And that part of the ego was what was holding me back, caused contraction and blocked my voice. So I had some voice sessions with a dear sister who is a great inspiration to me and she supported me to understand more of the technical side of singing and my own voice and this aided me massively to move past the deflated ego and know, even deeper;

yes, this is what I am here for. So slowly slowly, I moved past that inner critic, continued to sing every day and open, open, open.

Fast forward to now and there have been many other elements, gifts and challenges that have shaped my evolution and I now share my voice regularly with ease and joy.

TRUST is the key. My voice is my voice, I don't want to or try to sound like anyone else. I now trust in what wants to come through and allow it without hesitation.

When I connect to the prayer of the song, this is when people listening experience the truth and can truly connect to the healing frequencies of the voice and the medicine. I give so much gratitude to all those who supported me and encouraged me and gave me beautiful feedback that helped me to keep going and not hide myself.

And I give infinite gratitude for my two greatest teachers in life thus far - Oni - Ayahuasca and My Own Heart.